Courtesy of Dean’s World, a New York Appellate Court decision which all too easily brings to mind Monty Python’s immortal routine, “Eric the Pet Fish:”
The defendant argues that his “stomping of young Juan’s pet goldfish” is a misdemeanor pursuant to Agriculture and Markets Law §353 (unjustifiable killing of any animal, whether wild or tame), and not a felony because a fish is not a “companion animal” and his “stomping” did not constitute “aggravated cruelty” within the meaning of the statute.
The Appellate Court rejected the defendant’s fanciful interpretation of New York criminal statutes, ruling:
The defendant’s contention that all household pets are equal but some are more equal than others is manifestly not derived from the statute.
But can you get a license for that fish?
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Loved the reference to Monty Python but a correction is in order. Although the skit started out with reference to a fish named Eric (He is an ‘alibut!), the skit and the song that ends it is called Eric The Half-A-Bee
Eric The Half A Bee – Monty Python
Leader:A-one, two, a-one two three four
Leader: Half a bee, philisophically,
Must ipso facto half not be.
But half a bee has got to be
Vis a vis it’s entity.
-d’you see?
But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee,
When
half the bee is not a bee,
Due to some ancient injury.
-Singing!…
All sing: La di di, one two three,
Eric the Half a Bee.
A B C D E F G,
Eric the Half a Bee.
Leader: Is this wretched demi-bee,
Half asleep upon my knee,
Some freak from a mena
gerie?
All yell: No! It’s Eric the Half a Bee.
All sing: Fiddle di dum, fiddle di dee,
Eric the Half a Bee.
Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
Eric the Half a Bee.
Leader: I love this hive employ-ee-ee,
Bisected accidentally,
One summer’s afternoon by me,
I love him carnally.
All sing: He loves him carnally…
Leader: Semi-carnally.
(speaks)
The End.
Voice: Cyril Connolly?
Leader: No, semi-carnally.
Voice: Oh.
All sing: (Quietly)
Cyril Connolly
Er Scott, you need a hobby.
I’d have mentioned the ‘alf-bee, but I’d have gone too far off-topic. I’m trying to get invited back, you know.
Maybe he can cross out “Dog”, and write “Fish” on the license in crayon.
(Should I be ashamed that I could recite the song above from memory? I’d be a Nobel laureate by now if so much of my brain wasn’t cluttered with Python trivia…)
As the bit goes, “you are a loony.”
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