The Louisiana Attorney Disciplinary Board’s charges against attorney John M. Sharp, formerly managing partner in the firm Sharp Henry Cerniglia Colvin Weaver & Davis, may possibly recall the old joke: lawyer finds satchel of someone’s misplaced cash, followed by wrenching dilemma of legal ethics: should he tell the partners? (Karina Donica, “Attorney involved in city-Cleco case faces possible disbarment”, Town Talk (Alexandria, La.), Aug. 22)(via ABA Journal).

• If you’re claiming benefits for “total and permanent” disability it’s probably best not to enter bodybuilding competitions [Boston Globe and more, firefighter Albert Arroyo] More: GruntDoc;
• From 1884 Montreal: actionable to snub a parishioner while taking collection in church? [Volokh]
• Follow the bouncing venue in lawsuits against Rick Frenkel and Cisco over Patent Troll Tracker blog [Texas Lawyer "Tex Parte" blog]
• Individual liberty was one reason Bill Gates was free to earn his billions, too bad he’s not doing more to advance it with his philanthropy [NYTimes, Bloomberg and "tobacco control"]
• Andrew Giuliani, son of the mayor, is suing Duke University for kicking him off its golf team [Newsday, Henican] More: complaint at Popehat;
• New at Point of Law: AAJ, formerly ATLA, has its convention in Philadelphia (more); bogeyman of supposedly ultraconservative Roberts Court; why must “trophy” federal courthouses have such soulless and uncomfortable design?; Congress gunning for arbitration; too bad NYT’s enthusiasm for transparent public contracting on corporate monitors doesn’t carry over to other lawyer-hiring; the Delaware advantage in court organization; as we keep asking, what happened to Ron Motley’s yacht? and much more;
• Dr. Anna Pou, New Orleans cancer surgeon whose prosecution after Katrina roused intense controversy, recounts her experience [AP via Folo]
• “Unreal world of greed”: California appeals court throws out $88 million fee-arbitration award to Milberg Weiss and other firms following challenge to “smog impact fees” [six years ago on Overlawyered]

• “I believe it’s frivolous; I believe it’s ridiculous, and I believe it’s asinine”: Little Rock police union votes lopsidedly not to join federal “don/doff” wage-hour lawsuit asking pay for time spent on uniform changes [Arkansas Democrat Gazette courtesy U.S. Chamber]
• Must-read Roger Parloff piece on furor over law professors’ selling of ethics opinions [Fortune; background links @ PoL]
• Too rough on judge-bribing Mississippi lawyers? Like Rep. Conyers at House Judiciary, but maybe not for same reasons, we welcome renewed attention to Paul Minor case [Clarion-Ledger]
• American Airlines backs off its plan to put Logan skycaps on salary-only following loss in tip litigation [Boston Globe; earlier]
• U.K.: Infamous Yorkshire Ripper makes legal bid for freedom, civil liberties lawyer says his human rights have been breached [Independent]
• In long-running campaign to overturn Feres immunity for Army docs, latest claim is that military knowingly withholds needed therapy so as to return soldiers to front faster [New York Rep. Maurice Hinchey on CBS; a different view from Happy Hospitalist via KevinMD]
• Profs. Alan Dershowitz and Robert Blakey hired to back claim that Russian government can invoke U.S. RICO law in its own courts to sue Bank of New York for $22 billion [WSJ law blog, earlier @ PoL]
• Minnesota Supreme Court declines to ban spanking by parents [Star-Tribune, Pioneer Press]
• Following that very odd $112 million award (knocked down from $1 billion) to Louisiana family in Exxon v. Grefer, it’s the oil firm’s turn to offer payouts to local neighbors suffering common ailments [Times-Picayune, UPI]
• AG Jerry Brown “has been suing, or threatening to sue, just about anyone who doesn’t immediately adhere” to his vision of building California cities up rather than out [Dan Walters/syndicated]
• Virginia high school principal ruled entitled to disability for his compulsion to sexually harass women [eight years ago on Overlawyered]

• More on that New Mexico claim of “electro-sensitive” Wi-Fi allergy: quoted complainant is a longtime activist who’s written an anti-microwave book [VNUNet, USA Today "On Deadline" via ABA Journal]
• Your wisecracks belong to us: “Giant Wall of Legal Disclaimers” at Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor at Disneyland [Lileks; h/t Carter Wood]
• New at Point of Law: AAJ commissions a poll on arbitration and gets the results it wants; carbon nanotubes, tomorrow’s asbestos? California will require lawyers operating without professional liability insurance to inform clients of that fact (earlier here and here); and much more.
• Actuaries being sued for underestimating funding woes of public pension plans [NY Times via ABA Journal]
• City of Santa Monica and other defendants will pay $21 million to wrap up lawsuits from elderly driver’s 2003 rampage through downtown farmers’ market [L.A. Times; earlier]
• Sequel to Giants Stadium/Aramark dramshop case, which won a gigantic award later set aside, is fee claim by fired lawyer for plaintiff [NJLJ; Rosemarie Arnold site]
• Privacy law with an asterisk: federal law curbing access to drivers license databases has exemption that lets lawyers purchase personal data to help in litigation [Daily Business Review]
• Terror of FEMA: formaldehyde in Katrina trailers looks to emerge as mass toxic injury claim, and maybe we’ll find out fifteen years hence whether there was anything to it [AP/NOCB]
• Suit by “ABC” firm alleges that Yellow Book let other advertisers improperly sneak in with earlier alphabetical entries [Madison County Record]
• Gun law compliance, something for the little people? A tale from Chicago’s Board of Aldermen [Sun-Times, Ald. Richard Mell]
• Think twice about commissioning a mural for your building since federal law may restrain you from reclaiming the wall at a later date [four years ago on Overlawyered]

• Telemarketers working for lawyers and chiropractors “line up every day” at police and public records offices to buy car-crash records [Dallas Morning News]
• Nice work if you can get it: Bernardine Dohrn’s terrorist-to-lawprof career track [Kass, Chapman @ Chicago Tribune, Ed Morrissey/HotAir, PoL, Horowitz/DtN, Daily Northwestern/FrontPage, Malkin, Power Line]
• Mystery of embattled Florida debt-relief law firm Hess Kennedy (Mar. 6) deepens as whereabouts of lawyer Edward Kennedy are questioned [ABA Journal]
• Criticism mounts of Calif. AG Jerry Brown’s lawsuits using global warming theories to force higher-density development [Stewart/LA Weekly, Walters/SacBee, via Kaus, scroll]
• Kevin Pho (KevinMD.com) on defensive medicine [USA Today]
• Colorado firm says lawsuit’s “settlement mill” allegations are concocted “by a competitor who doesn’t like (Azar’s) advertising.” [Colorado Springs Gazette]
• Hey, you can rig up a disposable camera to give you a little shock; it might also give you a D felony record under school zero tolerance [WTNH via Greenfield]
• One good thing about those anonymous snitchlines for domestic abuse, you don’t have to worry about bogus calls or anything like that [Colorado Springs Gazette on Texas polygamist raid backstory]
• Lawyers get $2 million in fees in Netflix class action [WSJ law blog; earlier]
• Supreme Court refuses cert on that very curious $112 million (originally $1 billion) land-contamination verdict from Louisiana [Exxon v. Grefer, Dow Jones/Fortune; CalPunitives link roundup; earlier; more background at Laura Hart/Louisiana Law Blog]
• Cow-pie bingo event falls victim to liability fears [three years ago on Overlawyered]

The ten big donors who bootlessly pledged up to $12 million include some familiar names, such as John Eddie Williams and Peter Angelos, as well as a new one, Calvin C. Fayard, Jr., of the firm Fayard & Honeycutt, A.P.C., who boasts connections with former Louisiana AG Charles Foti (Folo, Mar. 20; “Michigan Missives”, The Caucus (NY Times), Mar. 19).

Eli Lehrer of Competitive Enterprise Institute has some nominees, including Virginia’s ban on most versions of sangria, discussed by Ted earlier, and Louisiana’s prohibition on arranging flowers for sale without a license (Feb. 25).

Bizarro-Overlawyered hasn’t quite gotten the hang of how to put forward their propaganda campaign to deprive consumers of the choice of arbitrating disputes.

A New Orleans woman, Patricia Dicorte, says she got ripped off by her contractor in May 2007, so she took him to an arbitrator, and in July 2007—a fraction of the time it would take in a civil suit of that magnitude—she had an arbitration ruling in her favor for $219 thousand. Unfortunately for her, she then took it to the cesspool of Orleans Parish Courts for enforcement, and Democratic Judge Yada Magee—a colleague of the cousin of the contractor—violated the Federal Arbitration Act and threw out the arbitrator’s ruling. (Dennis Woltering, “Despite arbitrator’s ruling woman still fighting contractor”, WWL-TV, Feb. 25). This will eventually be reinstated on appeal at some unnecessary expense, but somehow Kia Franklin is advertising this fiasco as an example of problems with arbitration (!), rather than as a problem with the judicial hellhole of New Orleans. (If the judge isn’t willing to give a fair ruling for the consumer in something as straightforward and administrative as arbitration judgment enforcement, what makes Franklin think that the consumer would have had a better chance with that judge in a civil trial?)

Judge Magee is best known for railroading negligence findings for 1800 plaintiffs against Dow Chemical in bogus silicone breast implant litigation in 1997, a decision thrown out by a Louisiana appellate court in 2002. Spitzfaden v. Dow Corning Corp., 833 So.2d 512 (La. App. 2002).

Big news day in the Scruggs scandals: a judge has turned down defense motions to throw out the charges and to suppress the evidence, a hearing on those motions has showcased the testimony of government informant Tim Balducci, and the government in responding to the motions has released extensive and often quite damning transcripts of the wiretap conversations among the principals. Folo as usual provides the most in-depth coverage, with posts on the judge’s rulings here and here, on the hearing and Balducci’s testimony here and in numerous preceding posts, and on the wiretap transcripts here and in numerous preceding posts. David Rossmiller is on the judge’s ruling here, and on the hearing and transcripts here. More: Patsy Brumfield, NEMDJ, was at the courthouse.

Picking through the rich contents of the transcripts and Balducci’s testimony is going to keep Scruggsians busy for a good long time. In the meanwhile, some odds and ends:

* Want to review all the major events of the central alleged bribery case, skillfully narrated in chronological sequence? Of course you do. Folo’s NMC has it in six parts beginning here and ending here (follow links to find those in between).

* John Grisham’s “Too Dumb for Dickie” theory encounters some serious strain [Rossmiller and again]

* Mississippi legislature won’t give AG Jim Hood authority to wiretap his enemies suspected white-collar criminals. Gee, wonder why that might be? [WLBT via Lange] Plus: description of Hood as a Pez dispenser coughing out multi-million-dollar cases for his chums [Rossmiller]

* More unpretty details surface on Scruggs’s (and other lawyers) use of informants in Katrina litigation [Rossmiller] and tobacco [Lange]

* More Hood: prosecuting the accused judge-bribers “would be like prosecuting a relative” [Salter, Clarion-Ledger, Rossmiller, Folo]. Give back tainted money? “That’s up to DAGA [Democratic Attorneys General Association]” [Lange]

* Former Louisiana attorney general Richard Ieyoub gets a mention, as does Sen. Trent Lott [Folo, same] Update: feds investigating what Sen. Lott knew [WSJ]

* Small world, Mississippi: member of arbitration panel that awarded Scruggs huge fees was later hired by the tort potentate for legal work [Lange]

* Blogosphere has been a major source for breaking news on the scandal [LegalNewsLine]

* Liberal columnist Bill Minor recalls when a certain Sen. McCain let Dickie Scruggs and Mike Moore run their tobacco lobbying campaign out of his Hill office [NEMDJ via Folo; more at PBS "Frontline" and NY Times]

Last week the “5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals voided a 2007 lower court order parceling out $6.8 million in fees to plaintiffs attorneys in a lawsuit over tainted Shell gasoline.” The case had come under intense criticism, as we noted last year, “after the lawyers in charge prevailed on a federal judge to conceal the allocation of fees from public scrutiny, including scrutiny by members of the client class as well as dissident lawyers”. The ruling marks a victory for Loyola lawprof Dane Ciolino, who assisted objectors and helped rally public attention to the problems with the settlement. (Susan Finch, “Decision allocating legal fees tossed”, Nola.com (New Orleans Times-Picayune), Feb. 8).

I’ve joked about plaintiffs asking for a “squillion gazillion” dollars instead of other effectively fictional numbers, but one plaintiff has actually done it. One Baker, Louisiana, Katrina plaintiff (earlier on Overlawyered and Point of Law) suing the Army Corps of Engineers is asking for 3 quadrillion dollars—though he would presumably settle for one third that amount, which, at $3,000,000,000,000,000.00 would be over 200 times the annual $13 trillion gross domestic product of the United States. 246 other plaintiffs (including the City of New Orleans, which asked for “only” $77 billion, notwithstanding a taxpayer-funded bailout of tens of billions for a city built beneath sea level) are asking for over a billion each. [AP; TortsProf]

• Louisiana attorney general Foti, under fire over his attempt to prosecute Dr. Anna Pou in Katrina deaths, faces tough re-election challenge [Times-Picayune, Lafayette Advertiser; earlier]
• Classic “Hershey’s liable to obese Americans” print satire now has a short audio version [Onion radio]
• Criticize alternative medicine at your peril? U.K. libel law helps stifle an opponent of homeopathy [Orac]
• Tennessee trial lawyers’ lobbyist comes under harsh public spotlight following lurid crackup of House Judiciary chair Rob Briley [Nashville Scene; earlier]
• Invoking CAFA, judge throws out coupon settlement in Sharper Image air purifier class action [Krauss @ Point of Law]
• In 4-4 split, Supreme Court lets stand a ruling that NYC must pay private school tuition for Hollywood exec’s ADHD son though he wouldn’t give city program a try; issue likely to return soon [NYTimes; earlier]
• Veteran journalists Patrick Dillon and Carl Cannon ink deal for book on rise and fall of Lerach tentatively titled Circle of Greed [WSJ law blog]
• Unforeseen consequences dept.: plan for retirement community catering to gays may be derailed by workings of antidiscrimination law [Miller, Independent Gay Forum]
• HIPAA an impediment to doctor-patient emails? [CareCure Forums via KevinMD]
• Update on fraudulent liens filed by prison inmates to harass court personnel (Mar. 31, 2004): system strikes back with extra 20-year term for one offender [Texas Lawyer]
• EEOC says Massachusetts employer must accommodate eyebrow-ring-wearing employee who claims membership in “Church of Body Modification” [five years ago on Overlawyered]

Assisted by Loyola lawprof Dane Ciolino, critics are now before a Fifth Circuit panel trying to uncover the supporting documents that back up the division of fees among lawyers following a fuel-gauge-damage settlement against Shell; the case drew national attention after the lawyers in charge prevailed on a federal judge to conceal the allocation of fees from public scrutiny, including scrutiny by members of the client class as well as dissident lawyers (Apr. 9, Jun. 7).

When Little [fee committee attorney F.A. Little] contended that naming someone other than the committee to evaluate four years of work by lawyers in the case wouldn’t yield the best result, Judge Edith Jones shot back, “Well, at least you get disinterestedness.”

That quality, Jones said she learned from her days as a bankruptcy attorney, is essential to “anyone who is dividing up the debtor’s money.”

In an interview after the hearing, Ciolino said the public needs to know everything that went into deciding attorney fees in the Shell class action. “The public distrusts lawyers, especially in class-action cases, because it looks like it’s all about fees,” he said.

(Susan Finch, “Data used to split fees sought”, New Orleans Times-Picayune, Aug. 10).

Sort of like being paid for not planting corn? “[A]n oysterman here in the nation’s top oyster-producing state can make as much, if not more, collecting damage settlements from oil companies as from harvesting the bivalves themselves, according to a recent study by two Louisiana State University economists.”

“On average,” they wrote, “oyster leases generate a majority of their net income from non-oyster-producing activities.” Money “appears to flow to leases irrespective of their ability to produce marketable oysters.”

So lucrative is the potential payoff from the oil companies that there is almost certainly a lively trade among oystermen in the “speculative” leasing of otherwise unproductive water bottoms, Dr. Keithly and Dr. Kazmierczak [Walter R. Keithly Jr. and Richard F. Kazmierczak] concluded.

Indeed, speaking on condition of anonymity, one of the major “landmen” — middlemen who negotiate between oystermen and oil companies — agreed that some fishermen deliberately leased bottoms in harm’s way, in order to collect from the companies.

The New York Times says the “oyster community” in the Pelican State is infuriated at the report and calls it false. (Adam Nossiter, New York Times, Aug. 15).

Our earlier coverage of one bizarre excursion by the Louisiana courts into oyster-lease compensation is here, here, here, and here. The broadside The Oyster Girl, widely distributed in the English singing tradition, underscores the importance of watching one’s pockets when oysters are being traded.

• Grand jury declines to indict Dr. Anna Pou in Katrina hospital deaths, despite heavy breathing from Louisiana AG Charles Foti and TV’s Nancy Grace [Times-Picayune, more; 2005 CNN transcript; Health Care Blog, GruntDoc, Vatul.net]


• Protection from lawsuits for “John Doe” security informants is back in anti-terror legislation moving through Congress, despite back-door effort to eliminate it earlier [Fox News, Malkin; earlier] Addendum: but it’s in altered, much-weakened form, says commenter Bob Smith;


• U.K.: Top law firm Freshfields earns millions advising clients on employment compliance, yet “omitted to check that changes to its own pension scheme were legal” [Times Online]


• Thinking of doing some guestblogging, for us or another site? Some good advice here [Darren Rowse via Kevin O'Keefe]


• Even Conrad Black can have trouble affording lawyers, at least with feds freezing his accounts [PoL on Steyn]


• Shouldn’t have let us become parents again: Florida jury awards $21 million in “wrongful birth” case [Fox News]


• Possibility of gigantic reparations claims adds intensity to big lobbying fight in Washington over whether Turkey’s slaughter of Armenians in 1915 amounted to genocide [Crowley, New Republic]


• Updating colorful coverage case (Jun. 22, 2005): dentist wins $750K verdict on insurer’s duty to defend him for taking gag photos of sedated employee with boar tusks in mouth [Seattle Times, more; dissent in PDF; Althouse]


• Giuliani might use federalism to defuse culture wars [Brownstein, L.A. Times; disclaimer]


• Virginia’s enactment of harsh traffic fines (Jul. 6) follows tryouts of the idea in Michigan and New Jersey, where effects included rise in unlicensed driving [Washington Post]

When showing your crack is outlawed, then only outlaws will be showing their crack:

Cajun Town Bans Saggy Pants (NYT, June 13)

DELCAMBRE, La. (AP) — Sag your britches somewhere else, this Cajun-country town has decided. Mayor Carol Broussard said he would sign an ordinance the town council approved this week setting penalties of up to six months in jail and a $500 fine for being caught in pants that show undergarments or certain parts of the body.

Broussard said he has nothing against saggy pants but thinks people who wear them should use discretion. ”It’s gotten way out of hand out here,” he said.

Albert Roy, the councilman who introduced the ordinance, said he thought the fine was a little steep and should be more in the $25 range, but he still favored the measure.

”I don’t know if it will do any good, but it won’t hurt,” Roy said. ”It’s obvious, and anybody with common sense can see your parts when you wear sagging pants.”

Broussard’s advice for people who like their pants to hang low: ”Just wear it properly. Cover your vital parts. I mean, if you expose your private parts, you’ll get a fine. If you walk up and your pants drop, you get a fine. They’re better off taking the pants off and just wearing a dress.”

I totally envision a Footloose-type of situation here where a spry young high schooler rolls into town and teaches all the townsfolk that butt cracks can be a perfectly beautiful and natural occurrence.

The downside of this ordinance, of course, is that it will drive all the plumbers out of town. Better get your sink fixed before it goes into effect. Oh, and as long as we’re talking about plumbers, it gives me an excuse to show you this outstanding commercial. That is all.

It might only upset them, or perhaps upset other lawyers:

The judge in a 2004 federal class action lawsuit over fuel gauge damage caused by tainted gasoline made at Shell-Motiva refinery in Norco has sealed records on how he divided $6.8 million in legal fees among 79 lawyers in the case.

U.S. District Judge Ivan Lemelle has ordered each lawyer, on pain of being sanctioned, not to reveal how much they were paid.

Lemelle’s late January decision to keep the information under wraps has drawn criticism from some of the lawyers and has attracted the attention of Loyola Law School ethics professor Dane Ciolino.

Ciolino says the situation violates the right of the lawyers and the public to have access to court records. Additionally, he said, it flies in the face of a Louisiana attorney ethics rule that says a client is entitled to know how his lawyer shares fees with other lawyers.

(Susan Finch, “Judge seals records on legal fees in suit”, New Orleans Times-Picayune, Apr. 6)(& welcome Robert Ambrogi readers).

Update: And now it’s reported that the judge has turned down a motion to unseal the fee records (Susan Finch, “Judge won’t unseal fee records”, New Orleans Times-Picayune, Apr. 10). Further updates: May 22 (WSJ editorial covers); Jun. 7 (judge unseals records).

A schoolteacher in West Feliciana Parish, Louisiana would take about 30 1/2 years in the classroom to earn $1.4 million dollars, at the district’s average salary of approximately $46,000 per year. Or, such a teacher could convince a jury to award that much money for “mental anguish” by claiming that her employer harassed her after she gave Ds and Fs to 70% of the students she taught.