Overlawyered: Chronicling The High Cost Of Our Legal System

The Felonious Stomping of a Pet Fish

Courtesy of Dean’s World, a New York Appellate Court decision which all too easily brings to mind Monty Python’s immortal routine, “Eric the Pet Fish:” The defendant argues that his “stomping of young Juan’s pet goldfish” is a misdemeanor pursuant to Agriculture and Markets Law §353 (unjustifiable killing of any animal, whether wild or tame), […]

Courtesy of Dean’s World, a New York Appellate Court decision which all too easily brings to mind Monty Python’s immortal routine, “Eric the Pet Fish:”

The defendant argues that his “stomping of young Juan’s pet goldfish” is a misdemeanor pursuant to Agriculture and Markets Law §353 (unjustifiable killing of any animal, whether wild or tame), and not a felony because a fish is not a “companion animal” and his “stomping” did not constitute “aggravated cruelty” within the meaning of the statute.

The Appellate Court rejected the defendant’s fanciful interpretation of New York criminal statutes, ruling:

The defendant’s contention that all household pets are equal but some are more equal than others is manifestly not derived from the statute.

But can you get a license for that fish?

4 Comments

  • Loved the reference to Monty Python but a correction is in order. Although the skit started out with reference to a fish named Eric (He is an ‘alibut!), the skit and the song that ends it is called Eric The Half-A-Bee

    Eric The Half A Bee – Monty Python

    Leader:A-one, two, a-one two three four
    Leader: Half a bee, philisophically,
    Must ipso facto half not be.
    But half a bee has got to be
    Vis a vis it’s entity.
    -d’you see?
    But can a bee be said to be
    Or not to be an entire bee,
    When
    half the bee is not a bee,
    Due to some ancient injury.
    -Singing!…
    All sing: La di di, one two three,
    Eric the Half a Bee.
    A B C D E F G,
    Eric the Half a Bee.
    Leader: Is this wretched demi-bee,
    Half asleep upon my knee,
    Some freak from a mena
    gerie?
    All yell: No! It’s Eric the Half a Bee.
    All sing: Fiddle di dum, fiddle di dee,
    Eric the Half a Bee.
    Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
    Eric the Half a Bee.
    Leader: I love this hive employ-ee-ee,
    Bisected accidentally,
    One summer’s afternoon by me,
    I love him carnally.
    All sing: He loves him carnally…
    Leader: Semi-carnally.
    (speaks)
    The End.
    Voice: Cyril Connolly?
    Leader: No, semi-carnally.
    Voice: Oh.
    All sing: (Quietly)
    Cyril Connolly

  • Er Scott, you need a hobby.

    I’d have mentioned the ‘alf-bee, but I’d have gone too far off-topic. I’m trying to get invited back, you know.

  • Maybe he can cross out “Dog”, and write “Fish” on the license in crayon.

    (Should I be ashamed that I could recite the song above from memory? I’d be a Nobel laureate by now if so much of my brain wasn’t cluttered with Python trivia…)

    • By Peter

  • As the bit goes, “you are a loony.”