Massachusetts lawyer and blogger Peter Morin, who has guest-blogged here on more than one occasion, is one of the members of the class entitled to participate in the settlement of class action claims over scratched Apple iPod nano units. He sent the following letter:

February 20, 2009

Apple iPod nano Cases
Claims Administrator
P.O. Box 6104
Novato, CA 94948-6104

Dear Sir:

I have received a Notice of Class Action Settlement For Uncoated First Generation iPod nanos. My control number is xxxxxxxxxxx.

I wish to submit my objection to the terms of settlement.

I have been the recipient of more than a few similar Notices during the past twenty years, but this is the stupidest b—s— I have ever witnessed.

I have owned a first generation nano (“uncoated” ) from the inception of its release. It is one of the most reliable and attractive devices I had ever owned (until the most recent design, which is gorgeous). The fact that a group of class action lawyers would sue Apple on behalf of some “aggrieved” group of nano owners because the device might get a little scratched up without the use of a cover is beyond absurd. It is insanity.

According to the Notice, in order to qualify for a fund payment, I “must have experienced scratching of [my] iPod nano that impaired [my] use or enjoyment of it.”

Impaired my use or enjoyment of it? This must be a joke. Is a federal judge to believe that a bit of scratching on this device is going to reasonably impair someone’s enjoyment of it? What does one do, sit and stare at his nano, beholding its sleekness and polish? Obviously not. It is tucked inside sweaty pockets in gyms, in classes, on subways. It is not an item to display, except to the most insanely vain. It is an item to store and play music. That it does, in a most reliable and effective fashion. How could such a class be certified?

I wish to make one final point.

As asinine as it is to claim that one’s enjoyment of the nano is “impaired” by a few scratches upon it (I for one considered the scratches the equivalent of battle scars), it pales against the idea that some group of lawyers would actually be paid the gargantuan sum of $4.5 million for perpetuating this idiocy.

It would be my preference that every lawyer participating in the group of Plaintiffs’ Counsel be marched into a Shea Stadium full of satisfied iPod owners and pelted with the electronic detritus of their choice. I predict that the “uncoated” iPod nano will not be among them.

Count me out!

Respectfully,
Peter B. Morin

Filed under: Apple, class action settlements